Monochromatic Cuteness.

Today was my 33rd birthday. I got to spend it hanging out with Olivia and Crystal. Olivia took us out to tea at The Secret Garden in Sumner, WA. It's a Victorian mansion that has been re-purposed into a tea house. Very nice. We had the Sugar Plum and the St. Nick's Wassail. While I wasn't overly fond of the Sugar Plum, the St. Nick's Wassail was very tasty. Olivia was kind enough to get a tin of it for me to take home. The scones were excellent fresh from the oven, and the Toffee Chocolate Trifle was amazing.
We also went to the book store and the craft store.
Olivia gave me a shawl she had hand knit for me. It's absolutely gorgeous and I can't wait until I can get a dress to wear with it. I'll probably be spending a good deal of time just snuggling in it around the house before that.
Crystal gave me a copy of Chibi Vampire Vol. 14 to finish off my collection. And she baked a cake for me, even though I had no room for it after tea.
Joe gave me back rubs and lots of cuddles.
I also got emails and phone calls from a few of my other family members and friends. It felt nice to be remembered by so many people.
Unfortunately my husband had to work tonight, which meant that he slept all day. So he had to miss out on a lot of my birthday. That was disappointing. But what can you do?
All in all, today was a very pleasant day. It was nice to have a fuss made over my birthday. Normally I don't really do anything for it. Hopefully next year I get to have Joe home for it. But other than that, I really couldn't have asked for a nicer day.
Thanks to everyone who remembered me today. Thanks to Joe and Crystal for being so loving. Thanks again to Olivia for taking me out. And a big thank you to the staff of The Secret Garden for a wonderful tea time experience.
http://www.sgtea.com/

November 5th, Had top right wisdom tooth extracted. My dentist did an awesome job. Gauze tastes nasty!
November 7th, Joe starts over-night shift at work.
November 16th, Took husband to hospital to have an abscess on back side drained. Meds are expensive.
November 18th, Sent J'Skarr to live with some friends due to the fact that he wouldn't leave Joe's wound alone. Back to hospital to have site looked at because it appeared re-infected. Spent 6 hours waiting for the doctor. More prescriptions, had to get help to pay for them.
November 20th, Missed J'Skarr too much and asked for him back. Started looking to get another cat to keep him company.
November 22nd, Took in Mom's cute, sweet little kitten.
November 23rd, J'Skarr comes home. New kitten absolutely hates him.
November 24th, New kitten chases J'Skarr all over apartment and repeatedly smacks him, even though she's half his size. J'Skarr refused to fight back. Joe calls Mom to come reclaim her kitten.
I'm exhausted. Changing Joe's dressings is a challenge sometimes. But Joe seems to be healing up nicely. And only a month and a week left until my schedule gets back to normal. Though it'll be longer than that until my finances get back to normal. November was extremely expensive.

I got a notice on my door saying that any and all air conditioners in my apartment complex would be confiscated.  Oh, hell no!  So I went to the manager's office, which is running an air conditioner, and asked to see a copy of my lease.  I read through the thing twice.  Not a word about a/c units.  Oh, it's in the addendum.  Read through the addendum twice.  All the addendum states is that "Resident acknowledges that it is necessary for resident to provide appropriate climate control...".  Yeah.  Guess who gets to keep her air conditioner.  
The moral of this story is:  Know your rights and always be willing to read your lease.  As many times as necessary to get your point across.

Since getting signed on to Netflix, my husband and I have watched more Instant Plays than actual dvds.  So we invested in a Roku player to stream these videos to our tv.  I LOVE THIS MACHINE!!!
Ok, I think I need to make this clear.  I absolutely refuse to get cable tv.  There is no way I can justify paying $50+/month for commercial laden, brain rotting entertainment.  Even though I have no problem dropping $60/week for video games.  Please don't ask me how that works.  I will buy programs I'm interested in on dvd.  I can pause at anytime for potty breaks, watch at my convenience, and re-watch my favorite shows.
I got signed on to Netflix to save some money on anime I wanted to watch.  And of course I perused other viewing options.  Needless to say, at $30/month for as much as I want to watch (I pretty much abuse the Instant Watch program they offer), I am officially a Netflix junkie.  Then I see the offer for a Roku machine.  $99 to watch my programs on my tv instead of my tiny computer monitor.  And no mouse wiggling to keep the screen from going black?  Yay!  Gimme gimme!  Of course I had to buy the HDMI cables, $19, and because I'm terribly impatient, I spend $29 on shipping.  So $150 and three days later, I got my machine delivered.  Took less than ten minutes for my less-than-technologically-savvy self to have this machine up and running.  Sadly I couldn't test it that night because Netflix was having issues on their end (which I found out during a half-hour conversation with them).  But by eight the next morning we were golden.
I am giddy with how well this machine works.  Netflix offers a good selection of movies and tv shows for instant viewing.  And then my friend mentions that Amazon.com not only rents instant play movies, but you can build a permanent library of said movies and tv shows.  Oh, Momma!  My wallet is already cringing.  And the Roku site has stated that they are also trying to work with other channels to provide even more content.  Holy cow.  I can't even begin to express how happy I am with this machine.  I've only owned it for four days, and I am very pleased with my purchase.  If I ever have to stop my Netflix subscription, which I don't see happening, I can still get my movies from Amazon.com.  Also Amazon.com offers pre-orders for upcoming releases at a (marginally) better price than Target's average new release specials. 
The Roku media player is a wonderful machine, and if you have Netflix or Video-On -Demand from Amazon.com, I highly recommend purchasing one.  After the one time purchase, there are no activation fees.  The only monthly fees you pay are the ones you already pay through the video providers you are currently using.  And there is a promise of more channels in the near future.  Setting up the machine is incredibly easy.  The remote for the Roku is also extremely simple to use.  Flipping through your Netflix library is a breeze.  (I still have to link my machine to my Amazon.com account.)  And I can whole-hearted-ly endorse the customer support that I received while I was experiencing user difficulties.  Aside from a larger selection, which has already been promised, I can't ask for more in an entertainment device.  Check it out for yourself.
http://www.roku.com/default.aspx

My depression has been acting up lately.  And instead of fixing it, I've been lashing out at the people that love me the most.  Yes, I am an idiot.  But what to do about it?  Well, let me identify the problems.
Aside from the difficulties of outgrowing my childhood, which is proving to be a royal pain in the back, I've got some other problems going on right now.  For starters there's the fact that I want to be able to go out more often.  Go to movies, dinner, the beach, heck even just a walk in the park would be cool.  Unfortunately, my husband has anxiety issues coupled with I.B.S..  So the last movie we went to, we only got to sit through a half an hour before he got so sick we had to leave.  The last time we went out to coffee, we sat down for maybe seven minutes.  It's a little rough going out on dates.  Compound that with the fact that I've always wanted to travel.  Never got to as a child because my father could never afford it.  I still have a huge list of places I want to go see.  However, my husband has gotten to see most of these places thanks to his parents.  And he's not really interested in going again.  This is supremely frustrating.
Also, I've been feeling very frumpy.  I want to take some time and money and update my wardrobe.  Most of the clothes I own are merely functional and not very nice.  I have a couple of outfits that I really like, but not many.  I'd like more outfits that are nice so I don't feel so drab.

I'm half tempted to just kill all my online accounts because most all I seem to get lately is junk emails.  You know the ones.  Where someone sends you and fifty other people on their list some random funny that someone else sent them and fifty other people.  I despair of ever finding out how anyone is truly doing any more.  Kind of makes me sad.  And lonely.  It's like every one is saying, "Yeah, I have your contact information, but I'm too busy (can't be bothered) to really communicate with you."  But I guess people just get used to this after a while.  Still, I'd much prefer a once a month "hey, how're you?  this is what's going on here" type of email over the spam I normally get.  At least then it wouldn't feel as if I were just an afterthought.  Just some name on a list.
Sorry.  I'm developing serious gripes with technology.  I'm beginning to think the convenience is driving people further apart than any distance ever could.  We have more options for communication than ever before. And say less to each other, personally, than ever before as well.  Maybe I just think too much.  I don't know.

So for the last two weeks I've been enjoying my free trial period of Netflix.  Before, I had swore off of any sort of rental system just due to the fact that I hate having to return things.  I'm glad I decided to change my mind on this issue.  Initially I joined for the anime.  But, as I was searching out titles, I figured why not just take advantage of all the variety on the site.  So far I've had eight dvds shipped to me and have also watched two movies instantly.  Unfortunately the first 4 anime titles that I've seen so far have been, in my opinion, duds.  Which is somewhat disappointing to me.  But the upshot is that I didn't shell out $20 for each of the dvds.  And since my subscription is less than $20 per month, I've been able to watch each dvd for about $2.  And that's only if I don't have any more dvds shipped to me, or watch any more Instant Plays, for the duration of May.  I'm figuring that at the rate I have been watching these films, I can average a rental of less than $1 per show.  That is pretty darn awesome in my opinion.  The Instant Play feature on Netflix is pretty nifty, too.  Even though not all of their selection is available to Instant Play, it is a nice way to watch some extra films while I'm waiting for my exchanges to complete.  So far, my rental history, in order of viewing, is as follows (includes format and personal rating):

Lady and the Tramp, Disney  dvd 4/5
Le Portrait de Pettite Cossette, Anime dvd 2/5
Hellsing Ultimate Collection, Anime dvd 2/5
Deadliest Catch, Discovery tv series dvd 3/5 (for Joe, ongoing series)
Gregory Horror Show, Anime dvd 2/5 (series, removed from queue)
Hellboy 2 The Golden Army, movie dvd 2/5
MythBusters, Discovery tv series dvd 3/5 (for Crystal, ongoing series)
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, documentary Instant Play 4/5
Otaku Unite!, documentary Instant Play 3/5
The Addams Family, tv series Instant Play 3/5 (ongoing series)
My Beautiful Girl Mari, Anime dvd 3/5
The Munsters, tv series Instant Play 3/5 (ongoing series)
Sliders, tv series Instant Play 4/5 (ongoing series)
Underdog, Disney movie Instant Play 3/5


I am thinking about keeping this list updated regularly in order to help me keep track of what I have already seen.  Also, it'll serve as a nice reminder of what not to buy in the future.  For example, I am very glad I did not impulse buy Hellboy 2 when I saw it at Target a while back.  I would have been seriously disappointed.  For the rating system:  1, absolutely horrible; 2, I personally didn't like; 3, I'm glad I got to watch; 4, I would like to eventually buy; 5, I have to buy NOW.  And since my budget demands that I have to be picky about my purchases, I think this is a pretty  fair system of rating.  I hope to never come across a movie I have to rate a 1. 

Post note:  This list does not include the Instant Plays my husband has watched while I've been at work.  Which has been quite a few.

Our new kitty friend came home to us last night after waiting for him to finish being weened.  His name is J'Skarr after one of the characters in Oblivion, Joe's current favorite game of all time.  It was either that or Mestopholese Snuggle Butt.   He is so cute and tiny.  And seriously clumsy.  All kitten.  Crystal is totally stoked because J'Skarr took like three naps on her lap today.  And he likes her better than any of our previous kitty friends have.  It feels really good to have a fuzz in the house again.  Even if he does sleep for three quarters of the day.  Now just to keep from stepping on him...

So last weekend, Olivia, Crystal and I went to Sakura-con.  It was a good weekend, even if we were a little disappointed about our convention.  The line was an hour and change long for those who pre-registered.  Because of that we ended up missing the opening ceremonies.  Poo.  We went to the Penny Arcade panel, which was pretty cool, even though Olivia got it in her head that then was a great time to try to teach Crystal how to knit.  Freakin' yarn addict.  We missed the mask making panel we were interested in, but it turned out to be just gluing glitter to masks instead of the quality mask making panel we were hoping for.  So that was no real loss.  Went to Daiso.  Got myself a bento box in red with bunnies for $6.  Love that store.  Then to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.  OMG! The prices! >:O  I spent way too much on lunch.  But waiter, Jesus, was awesome.  And he earned the tip I gave him.  Though I probably won't be going there to eat again any time in the near future.  Then back to the con to do some shopping in the dealers room.  Got a terribly cute set of cat ears for myself (black and blue) and a set for Crystal (pink and black).  And spent an inordinant amount of time looking for a Kyo (Fruits Basket) backpack for Crystal.  Never found one, but she got a cabbit (Tenchi Muyo) pack instead.  Olivia got herself a black Mokona Madoki back pack.  We spent the night at Olivia's house, pizza for dinner.  Next morning we puttered around till about 11 am getting Crystal dolled up in her outfit.  She was such a cute catgirl!  Olivia also dressed up, which made me feel weird about not dressing up so we had to make a special trip to Old Navy to get a dress to go with my cat ears.  Yeah, I know I did that backwards.  Whatever.  Then we went back to the con to look at the fan art, take another circut through the dealers room and get pictures.  And for the record, some of the costumes were absolutely amazing.  You could really tell who put a lot of thought and effort into their costumes.  Then off to Uwajimaya for dinner.  A little shopping for puchi-petites and books.  On the way home Olivia bought us bubble tea and Crystal a smoothie.  Tasty. 
Easter Olivia came over for dinner.  Pot roast, deviled eggs, and cake.  She brought some fluffy flapjacks she'd made that were really tasty too.  Kind of a food overload.  Joe gave her an Easter Turtle.  :)  A nice quiet celebration.  In all it was a very pleasant weekend.  Though I still feel a little drained.  I had very little sleep overall.
Tuesday (today) I decided to wear my cat ears into work.  The reactions I got were great.  Those that were more familiar with working with me smiled and cooed.  Those that weren't, well they ran the gammut from shocked to amused.  A few people actually avoided eye contact with me, which I found amusing.
I've posted pictures from Sakuracon on http://www.flickr.com/monochromaticcuteness for those who want to look.

I didn't realize exactly how attached I'd become to my cat, Ravage.  Not until Sunday when I had to take him into the vet for the first time.  He'd spent most of Saturday barfing, and I'd thought it was no more than a stubborn hair-ball he was trying to cough out.  Come Sunday morning, he was still barfing, and he missed his litter box while trying to pee.  Missed as in standing in litter box and peeing outside it.  So I take him into the vet.  They thought it was Feline Infectious Anemia.  With liver failure.  And severe dehydration.  So they give him an antibiotic shot that doses over the course of two weeks, and sub-dermal fluid treatment.  Monday, he's less responsive.  And peeing orange after falling while trying to get into his litter box.  Back to the vet we go.  Only to be told to take him to Animal Emergency Clinic.  (Which has absolutely awesome doctors.)  After a round of x-rays, a second bout of blood smears, and an ultra-sound, they tell me they believe it may be lymphoma.  So I ask for a biopsy just to be sure.  Go to give my fuzzbutt some extra loves and he tries to climb in my arms.  "Take me home, Mommy."  It hurt having to leave him there.  But they were giving him more antibiotics just in case the first diagnosis was correct.  And more fluids.  So I had to make him stay put as our friend Ashley shut the cage.  I had a small red swelling under one of my eyes from crying so much.  I go back in today, Tuesday, with my daughter to visit.  And he doesn't even respond when she or I pet him.  Not even an "I'm not talking to you" glare.  The results came back inconclusive.  But he still hadn't eaten and after three days of antibiotics.  There should have been some signs of improvement.  Though his body was acting as if he did have lymphoma.  The doctor said that he was 95% sure that was what Ravage had.  And even if it was an infection, it was destroying my baby boy at an alarming rate.  So I had to make the crappy choice.  It's not the good choice.  The doctor said he felt I was making the right choice.  But I suppose they have to say that, don't they?  I still feel like shit about it. 
Realizing Ravage was sick felt almost exactly like the first time Crystal got an ear infection.  'Oh no!  Not my baby!'  It was an awful punch to the gut.  I felt panicky and willing to do anything, including going homeless, to make him better. 
Ravage has always been "my husband's cat."  But this weekend he was totally and irrevocably MY baby boy.  I felt like my child was dying.  As much as he was my husband's, he was mine as well.  He was such a good boy.

Goodbye, Ravage.  I'm gonna miss you in so many ways.  I'm gonna miss the race to the door to greet Joe when he got home.  I'm gonna miss the psychotic drum roll of your feet as you ran back and forth through the apartment for no reason.  I'm gonna miss the way you would greet me when I got home.  I'm gonna miss your protests when I'd pick you up.  I'm gonna miss how you'd shred the furniture to prove how big and tough you were.  I'm gonna miss the way your eyes would bulge when I snorgled you.  I'm gonna miss the way you would start to cry sometimes when we'd cuddle.  I'm gonna miss your very loud purrs when you were happy.  I'm gonna miss your silly little crush on the neighbor kitty.  I'm gonna miss the way you'd chase Joe through the house in the dark.  I'm gonna miss how you'd drop everything at the sound of the kitty treat jar rattling.  I'm gonna miss your sweet little kitty kisses, even if you did startle me out of my sleep.  I'm gonna miss the way you'd sleep on my hip, and the lumberjack walk you perfected when I had to roll over.  I'm sorry you got sick.  And it hurts that I couldn't save you.  I'm gonna miss you so much.  I love you, Furbuns.

Ouchies!  I was needle-felting "No, My Hooberries!"  And stabbed myself twice.  Once in my left ring finger and once THROUGH the tip of my left middle finger.  OWWIES!  Ah well, I think my owling came out pretty cute.  And I have to say I'm pretty enamoured with the whole A.T.C. style of art.   Though Joe really didn't like the berries on the owl.  Oh well.  Yes I could have felted him a little tighter, with less fuzz sticking out here and there.  But personally, I think he's pretty darn cute for a cracked out owl.

Been bored out of my mind.  Working in a tiny cage answering phones for eight hours a day at the rate of about four calls an hour.  Joy.  So I keep thinking about writing or making things.  And I come up with crazy stuff to work with.  But maybe that's just the way I am.  Just wish I had a proper outlet there for it.
Anyway.  My entries for the next while are probably gonna be a bit strange.  But oh well.  Whatever.  A couple of weeks from now I should go back to my regular position.  Maybe.  And then I'll probably go back to bland writing.  Or at least less crazy.

What if you had a secret.  Something you felt you couldn't share with anyone.  Something you buried so deep inside, that you wouldn't want to even admit to yourself. Now what if someone found out.  By some random circumstance, unearthed the deepest darkest secret you hold.  What if they found this out by something as simple and innocent as shaking your hand.  What would you do?  How would you feel?  Is there anyone that would be hurt by your secret?  Is there anyone who would use your secret to hurt you?  What would you do to keep your secret safe?  What would you do if you were to suddenly become burdened with someone else's secret?

Having a bad bout of "I WANT TO CREATE!"  So squirrel dinner it is.  Love clip art.  Is not perfect, but meh, whatever.

So my Valentine's Day went well.  Even though my husband hates the crappy Hallmark holiday.  First crystal and I went to the post office to get her books that she'd been waiting a month for.  Got a couple rolls worth of film from like five years ago developed.  Hung out with Liv, mostly at Michaels.  Joe brought Crystal and myself a pair of hugging stuffies (mostly because I got him a box of chocolates, guilt I guess).  I made dinner and cute cupcakes.  Smothered-fried steaks, mashed 'tatoes, and butter fried asparagus.  YUM!  The steaks came out good.  So for my first attempt at steak, it was awesome.  Though the recipe could use a little tweaking.  Still.  I was impressed with myself.  And my husband was too.  But I was very surprised to learn that cubed steak is really more like ground steak meat.  I had no idea.  My ability to recognize meat products is sadly very lacking.  I think my whole world of meat up till now has been, chicken, ham, pork chops, turkey, sausage, bacon and ground beef.  Oh boy, very sad.  That's not counting the upbringing with squirrel, deer and rabbit.  (Though honestly I wouldn't be able to recognize those meats by sight either after they'd been properly prepared.  Ie. skinned and cut up.)  But the ladies at Safeway were very helpful in both locating said meat and in encouraging me to go ahead with the recipe.  I still had a couple pieces of meat left over after filling my pot, so I'm gonna mix that in with hamburger meat for my next meat loaf.  Should be ok. 
But yeah, the recipe for Smothered-Fried Steaks is from Southern Family Favorites Cookbooks by cookbook resources LLC.  And is a pretty good first steak recipe.  Fairly easy, just a little time consuming.  And filling!  Wow!  One steak and my pants were feeling way too tight.  Though I did make fairly thick steaks.  Joe had two, and had no room for desert for a couple of hours.  And this was after not really having eaten much all day.  Well, one cinnamon roll (breakfast) and a very small pack of fries (lunch).
I am feeling pretty pleased with myself for how well that dinner turned out.  And I am looking forward to the next major experiment in my kitchen.  Though I should probably hold off on the soups for a little while at least. 
 

I would say that I'm cautiously optimistic.  In other words a pessimist who keeps hoping things will get better.  But not counting too much on it.  Though when things are going good, I'm a touch more pessimistic.  What's gonna go wrong to mess this up?  I'm trying to get better though. :)

Have I mentioned that I am a toy junkie?  I love toys.  And I have a real penchant for capsule toys.  You know the ones.  In the super markets the little quarter machines stand.  Their front glass displaying a small variety of toy jewelry, sticky toys, or if your really lucky, my favorite, figurines.  And of course there are three figurines you want, one most desperately, two that are ok-ish, and five that you hope not to get stuck with.  You pull out your quarters, feed them in, turn the handle, and out pops a capsule.  It's never the favorite one (unless the fates decide to have you owe them a favor), but typically you still like what you got anyway.  The older versions of these machines had plastic eggs (some with cute little cartoon characters painted on them) so you didn't even have a clue of what might be inside of them.  Those were the really exciting machines.  Russian roulette with toys.  The chicken spun around and clucked, then out popped an egg from the machine.  What is it?  Half the time not terribly exciting but once in a while a very cool toy for only 25 cents.  Though I think I once did manage to get an empty egg... 
When Toys R Us had the one with the 50 cent Strawberry Shortcake figures, I must have dropped like $10 into that machine.  And I never did get Huckleberry.  Darn it.  But on the upshot, I got a few doubles to give to my daughter, her friend, and my friend for her dash-board toy collection.  Yeah.  And I keep finding new toys for her dash-board.  Pretty soon she's gonna have to start rotating toys just to make room for the new ones I find for her.
On that same note, don't even get me started on puchi-petites.  Little boxed toys from Japan, much in the same vein as capsule toys.  Grab a box, pay for it, and hope for the best...  Anything from Final Fantasy toys, robots, and anime figures to dollhouse miniatures (though not quite 1/12th scale).  All depends on which brand you buy on the theme of your toys.  But those typically run from $3 to $10 depending.
If I ever had a store, I don't care what type of store, I'd have to have a capsule toy machine.  And seriously, one of the reasons I want to go to Japan is so that I can go nuts feeding coins into their toy machines.  I heard you can get ANYTHING in a vending machine there.  So they simply have to have an awesome selection of toys. 
You know what would be really awesome though?  Having a vending machine set up for puchi-petites.  If I had a car, I'd probably want to go into business filling vending machines with toys.  But only if I get to keep a small sampling of the toys for myself!  Oh the trouble and clutter I'd be in...

So the tax money has arrived.  And the husband spent all afternoon yesterday tracking down the car that will hopefully get us through the next five years.  His stories are always fun to listen to.  One car he called on, the guy asked his cousin "hey, did you switch the vin numbers on that one yet?" while still in ear shot of the phone.  Um... Yeah.  Oh and then there's the car that goes through a quart of oil every thousand miles.  Wow.  Seriously?  And that'd be better than our own car, how?!?  Oh, boy.  But my honey thinks he's found "THE ONE".  I seriously hope he's right.  I'd like a couple of years with no doomy-doom-doom from his car.  And if he has indeed found the right car for us, then we'll be able to start saving up for a good down payment on an even better car down the road.  And if not, our mechanics will at least be relieved to know that they'll have a reliable source of income for a while.  Hehe.
But if it turns out that this is "THE ONE" then my husband has promised both a trip to the ocean and to the mountain this summer.  Cross your fingers for me please.  I really, really, REALLY want to go to the ocean.  Just for one weekend.  Or even just a day trip.  I'm not too picky.  And I'd like to go take pictures of the mountain and her parks.
On an up note, I have decided that I really have to figure out how I'm gonna afford Kumoricon.  I'm gonna have vacation time to burn for that, too.  The idea of a weekend out with my buddy exploring a new city is way to exciting for me.  Especially since I've already put together a small map of eateries and stuffs.  And a ride on a train!  Woohoo!  Ok yeah, I'm still twelve.  And since the car sucked out all of the returns, then I get to do something fun just for me, darn it!  And, oh yeah, weekend with my buddy!!!  Doing all the geeky things we like!!!  Or at least as much as we can cram into one weekend.  HAVE to go.
And I think I'm gonna take a bit more time to try new recipes.  Just finished reading Julie & Julia   by Julie Powell.  Awesome book.  That lady is a hilarious writer.  (Wish I'd had a computer when she was in the middle of the Julie/Julia project.  That would have been great to actually be able to follow her progress instead of just reading about it afterward.  But I'm a late comer to this whole new-fangled technology thing.  And I'm still way behind the curve.  Ah, well.)  And I'd like to be able to try some new foods from time to time myself.  Though, thank you, but I think I'll take a pass on the whole aspic thing.  Ms. Powell's description was enough to permanently put me off of it.  And as Alton Brown has said "I just can't eat anything with a name like that."  Aptly put.
But yeah, I'm feeling a lot better today.  Wishing the howler-monkey neighbors would move away.  Only got like three hours sleep last night before the screeching-yelling-fight started, and then wasn't able to really go back to sleep before the alarm went off.  Joy.  And you know this sort of stuff wouldn't happen if they'd just go to bed at a reasonable hour instead of trying to have a party.  Jerks.  Every time they have a party, every time, they end up screeching at each-other in a cacophony of senseless noise.  All at once.  And always at like three am.  Now I've notice I become a real jerk-face at midnight.  The whole Cinderella effect.  Cuz at that time of night I'm tired and cranky and have been awake entirely too long, so the magic of niceness has started to dissolve.  (What little I had to start with at least.)  Come one am, I tend to start getting belligerent,  two am, and I don't care who I'm hurting.  Afternoon parties don't have this nasty side effect around here.  Just the late night ones.
But other than that small grump, I'm feeling better than a few days ago.  Oh and thanks, Liv for telling me about pandora.com.  Awesome.  I was so missing my Meredith Brooks cd that I lost a while back.  Don't miss the Type O Negative, though.  That's angry blood music if there ever was such a thing.  But that's a different story for a different day.

Been fairly depressed lately.  The car's been acting funny.  (My husband's car, as I still ride the bus for the safety of all involved.)  Waiting for my income tax returns, though I know it will all go to getting a new car so that my husband can keep his job.  I feel kinda mopey that I don't get any spending money out of this year's return.  Needs over wants and all.  Pout. 
Olivia suggested to me that we may be able to go to Kumoricon this year.  I'm hoping to be able to.  I've never been on a train before and I think that would be a lot of fun.  But that's not until September, and I have to be able to keep my job until then. 
Work's been ok.  Doing a lot of cashiering.  Feet hurt a bit from standing still too long.  And my coworkers are beginning to not like me as much.  One girl looked at me funny when I mentioned to one of our leads that she'd taken a rather long break when another coworker was waiting or her lunch.  But what can you do?
I've made a plan to be able to start buying a house in a few years.  But I still get depressed when I hear customers talk about fixing up their "starter" home so they can upgrade to an even bigger house.  I'd just like to upgrade out of my tiny one bedroom apartment into something with a washer and dryer.  And garden space.  It's really difficult working in a hardware store sometimes.  Especially when all the new plants, bulbs and seeds start coming in.  I've never been the patient type, either.
I've been feeling a serious need for travel.  Or change.  Or something...  I don't even know what it is I really want.  I'm just really frustrated and cranky.  Or maybe it's just that time of the month again... 
Been working on some "quick" crafts lately.  Stuff that usually can be completed in a few short hours as opposed to months.  Fake flower arrangements have been kinda fun.  And my daughter surprised me with a request to put one together for herself.  We found the Easter pick display at Michaels, and she was inspired.  I'll put up pictures on my Flickr page as soon as I figure out where my camera went to...
I just really feel like whining.  But I feel bad about whining.  Huge effing guilt monkey on my back...  Wish it'd go away.
Been thinking of smoking again.  It's been almost five years.  Long time.  And until recently I haven't really wanted to smoke.  But I've been thinking of running away from home.  Or starting smoking again.  Or just giving up.  What the hell's wrong with me?  Depression.  Deep soul crushing depression.
My husband's been having a bit of trouble with his anxiety because of the car.  I try to be supportive, but sometimes I don't really give a damn.  Just go through the routines, get through the motions...  It'll get better soon...  I hope.  I feel like a jerk.  A big fat world class jerk.
I think I'm really beginning to hate people.  Children running around at work iritate me to no end.  Want to trip them.  Hurt em a little.  Teach them a lesson.  Want to scream at their parents.  "Have you no sense?  Letting your children run loose like a pack of dogs?!?  Do you want them to die?"  Any time I try to encourage better behavior I get "Mind your own business!"  Excuse me but their safety IS my business.  Saw a little girl trying to smother her younger sister with a plastic bag.  "Mind your own business."  Yeah the parents really are that bad.  Just waiting for the first lawsuit...

My life isn't bad.  It's pretty damn good.  My husband loves me, which is a lot.  My daughter is a good kid, mostly, and an awesome person.  I've got a really cool best friend.  And my cat is very fuzzy.  So why the hell do I feel so down right now?  I want to be happy, but it's like I don't know how.  Like the part of me that feels joy is broken right now.  Chocolate isn't helping either.  I've been eating as much as I can get my hands on, and nadda.  Except maybe a little closer to developing diabetes.  Yay...